The Daughter Track (TDT) part 4

Am I repeating myself, repeating myself? Sadly I have no patience. I was given the "does not suffer fools" stamp at birth and all my life I have had to fight it. Mostly, unsuccessfully. I am generally: snarky, sarcastic, deeming, rude. I know it and for that I have had to learn to apologize. Wouldnt it just be easier to stop this behavior? Ya think? See. Even in my imaginary conversation I can't help myself. I am a bitter ol'queen (this is not an offensive statement, because in my mind, BOQ's are quick and witty. Sure there is an edge of meanness. If you had been attacked all your life you would too. This is the gay version of The Dozen's. Look that up if you have no idea what I just said.0 Back to the original thought (and that's another thing about me. I get distracted easily-in conversation, that is). I have a particularly low threshold for my father's repeating things. I generally go from about a 2 to a 10 in nothin' flat. And I know this is wrong. He has no short term memory. I will repeat myself, for my benefit. He has no short term memory. And yet I want him to use what's left of his brain to try to rationally figure out things. Why do I do that? Most people are incapable of rationally figuring out things (see political situation in the US circa, well the whole life of the country really, but especially since Reagan...). So why would I think this sweet 90 year old man, who was never a Rhodes scholar could do that now? Personality flaw they call it is AA. Indeed.

THE DAUGHTER TRACK part 3

So back to the beginning. There I was a free-wheeling lesbian, living her unconventional life, darting around the world (ok NYC and London, some parts in between) working, loving, creating havoc and doing a little good. Now I was a stay at home mom. And I didn't even get the joy of a new love! I did get a new home and some furnishings that weren't culled from the resale shop. I set up my new home for Dad and I in what I like to call the Resort. This apartment complex, expensive but had all the enticements one could want. I loved it. We settled into a new life. I found Dad a few Tai Chi classes (Seniors Waving Arms), a Senior center and joined the LGBT Temple.

JUST a moment out of the story: Why do crazy people feel the need to SHOUT their inner conversation, as they walk down the street? Wouldn't it do just to speak in at a normal level, since they are talking to themselves? And were back: Joining the Temple was a stroke of genius on my part. I did it because I found out they were going on a trip to Israel and Dad had never been. I thought at the time, tempus fugit, so we went with 25 people we did not know, but upon return 25 new friends. It was a great trip, and I was very supported. From that trip I found my sister-wives, who have been so very helpful with my TDT. Everyone is so gracious with their compliments, but there are very few who actually come through with the actual help, and these two amazing munchkins have done that for me, for many years now. Part 4: didn't you say you were a lesbian?

THE DAUGHTER TRACK part 2

My original plan was to talk about the past, but today I am having a quintessentially TDT (The Daughter Track) experience. We are waiting to be assessed for ACCESS- the service that picks people up who cannot take public transportation on their own. It is in the obscure Arts District (you knew we had one downtown L.A. right?)-off the 4th street bridge. Enter the non-descript warehouse and a line of elderly, physically challenged individuals with their caretakers awaits you. Hulls of busses,dotted yellow lines, green arrows,amid a maze of that would confuse the best minds, let alone confused or those suffering from dementia. So Dad is finally called at 12:15-we arrive at 11am. Not too bad. Told to follow green arrows to bus # 2. He gets on that bus, for about a minute then name is called with 5 others and he is made to walk into another rm staffed by what looks like ex-cons-not that I have anything against that... made to sit down, sign again then told to go back to bus #2. ( why don't they have a lap top and take it to each person?) 10 minutes later he is called again for evaluation-what health conditions do you have? Dad: looks at me and guesses. After a few more invasive questions, he has his pluse taken again. You will hear in 21 days, if not call this number...one more thing-have your photo taken (again). Then, as if pigs were actually flying in edges of East LA, we were done. 1:00pm. Dad: Why did we do that? and you wonder why my new hobby is drinking...

THE DAUGHTER TRACK-part 1

I have recently realized that all my life I have fit into various current categories: Baby Boomer, anti-war protestor,Radical lesbian feminist, Sex-positive dyke, live-r of life on life's terms, "artist", and now I am in the words of the New York Times(the paper of record) www.nytimes.com/2005/11/24/world/.../24iht-daughter.html?...all the DAUGHTER TRACK. For the last 8 (or 9?) years, I have been living with my now 90 year old father. I remember as if it were yesterday: it was the last night of OUTFEST Film Festival. I was in the Orpheum Theater, and for some reason I felt my phone ring. I peaked at it and saw a strange number, Later that night I listened the message that would redirect my life. "Debbie. this is Dad. Ann (2nd wife) died and I wondered if you could come help me." The rest,is, well my life. I went to Fresno (yes, I have some ideas on how to make that place an actual destination, but that's for another time), did what I had to do: assess the situation and figure out that it would be mutually beneficial for us to combine resources, in LA of course. Many people say very nice things about what I am doing. It is refreshing

to be on the receiving end of praise. But really I did not feel like there was another choice (and of course as I say that I realize there is ALWAYS a choice). It just seemed like the right thing to do. So that was the beginning. And so much more.

So this is where I have been spending my entertainment/free time, Starting last Thursday with the great HBO doc VITO. Many youngins and some of us not so young, did not really know the breath and scope of Vito's activities. He was there at the beginning of Post Stonewall gay politics,the GAA (Gay Alliance)and the middle,Act-Up. He loved and wrote about Gay film or gay images in film. He loved men and did not hate women! Then we go to the rest of the films. Great shorts, thoughtful docs,raunchy comedies and sexy foreign films! Did I mention the parties? I am exhausted and its only Wednesday... Hope to see you there! (my one reader). What I have seen so far: Vito, dir Jeffery Schwarz #Wefoundlove- shorts program Petunia, dir Ash Christian TV comedy's come a long way, baby-Panel That's What She Said, dir Carrie Preston (fave thus far) 30th Anniversary Shorts Born Naked, dir Andrea Esteban Young and Wild, dir Marialy Rivas

Health care. Who needs it? I DO!

Woke up to Stephanie Miller getting the Supreme Court ruling on Affordable Health Care. First they got the wrong decision. I felt my heart drop. I am a Obama care recipient. THEN. The real news came out. It was upheld.
Now I can continue to buy my healthcare for a mere $500 a month! No friends, it ISN'T free. All it did was force a insurance co to sell me.
Really people, this program is for people. Real flesh people. But I know those against universal health care will never be without a job or some disease, so why should they care. It's not their problem. Well I don't have children but I pay for schools. And why? Cuz I am part of a society.
Thank you Justice Roberts. Now I know you are taking the business of judicial review seriously not politically.
A good day in court for the America.

Life is smacking me in the face. And by life I mean illness and death. No not mine, but all around. "they" say its how you deal with the hard stuff that tells the world about who you are as a person. So I am dealing with it all in the best way I know-drugs. NO silly. Just a little chocolate... and starring it in the face. Being present. Crying. Making a slide show for the Memorial of the dear boy child I never had. Laughing. Listening to music. Trying to not be resentful about who lives and who dies. Cause its chaos theory with a little will from us humans thrown in. Anyway, if you are interested in reading a beautiful but the squeamish be warned/x-rated view of my Baby Brian Also, a friend had a pulmonary something-she coded 4 times. Was in the ICU. But she was not ready to give up. Or something. (How do we really know what or why) She is alive, I am happy as is her wife of so many years and all her great friends in Seattle and the world. Julia has a recovery ahead of her but she is going to meet that challenge head on. So Life and Death. Big issues. and still when it comes down to the moment to moment, we forget. We make lunch, exercise, take a shower, go to work, gossip, see a movie, have sex (if you are lucky), sleep (if you are lucky). Today I take a moment between those other moments to find the gratitude to be around to hear, see and feel all of it. Then, its time to pick a song for the slide show.