Assisted Living (Help me Chuck Lorre!)

I saw the note by blogger telling me to list people in my post, so I thought who better than the Jeffe of TV comedy, Chuck Lorre. I do not know him, or imagine that I ever will. We are in parallel worlds. He is famous, I am not. He makes people laugh: I make people cry. He lives in LA; I live in LA (and by that I mean, the LA he lives in is on 90210, the LA I live in is on COPS). But we do share a heritage, and a love of numbers (see his Vanity Card archives---see my unread blog posts 1-56). Plus if I tag him in my post then maybe someone will read them.
Of late I have not felt much humor in my situation. For those of you who can not be bothered reading "TDT/Assisted Living" from the beginning, I will surmise: Long time, past her prime,dyke inherits aging (82 at time, now 90)father (hereto referred to as: The Old Guy) and hilarity ensues.
Like I said, I have not been feeling the hilarity. Its a lot of work caring for others. And I don't mean in the "write a check to the charity" kind of care. Perhaps it is the reason I never had children or men have wives; it is HARD. Still, its best to find some humor in some corner or instead of hilarity, insanity will ensue. So now I laugh at myself. How crazy am I who thinks I can get him to remember something just seen 10 minutes ago? That is bend over chuckle worthy! I am just nuttier than those kids on Happy Endings or New Girl. And they are kooky, weird funny! Yup, 61, tattooed and still wearing high tops. Crazy!
Happy 2nd of 3 New Year's (not the one that you eat apples and honey and then fast, not the one that you eat whole fish and blow things up, but the one that you get falling down drunk and watch some 7000 pound "ball" fall off a building).

Assisted Living-So you wanna help...

UPDATE Transportation problems solved!
The several agencies that help individuals with transportation each have their own set of rules. Each agency contracts with separate private companies to accomplish this mandate. And so if one agency only takes people in a designated zone, they can't pick up in another zone. In order to facilitate the Ol' Guy to the 2x a week Adult Day Care (the wonderful One Generation-send donations or volunteer there), we have to use two agencies. After a surprisingly short wait time, I have a standing order for both directions. What I love about this arrangement is that I don't have to drive and I don't have to ask for favors from others! I was very lucky and had a good friend helping out, but really one can ask so much from non-relatives.
Take away:

If you are a friend of a caregiver and want to help, offer to help decipher the bureaucracy of the various agencies. That is the real work that will last long after you grow weary of driving

Bingo bootie

The senior day care hands out prizes to the bingo winners. Usually I send them back to be re won. But finally a prize that came in useful! The kids loved the checkers game for at least an hour of fun on thanksgiving!

Assisted living. No rest for the caregiver

I know, most people think: "old person sits around,you get their money and live the good life". And I won't lie to you: he does sit around and I do get the money and if by good life you mean I have good but modest housing and get to eat $11 burgers, wellbthen its true. But you think being a parent is difficult, just try taking care of oneThis week the challenge was to get one of the 3 or 4 agencies that provide transport for elders to pick him up and return him at 3:30 to the home. Seems simple enough. Unless you live I one district and the daycare is in another. Teeth gnashed.
The next new subject I am studying. Is respite care. More soon on that.
My AM before work : laundry, four meals - 2 to go: vacuum,
My PM after work: pick up RX mess, shop TJ 's.

Assisted Living Part...oh who knows?

So. (have you noticed all kinds of people are using this small word to begin their explanations- not just ner do wells like me who have been using the word since 1974), I repeat, So, I have been busy living life and waiting for another funny bon-mot to be created by the Ol' guy and myself. Now that I have you suspended in space, I don't really have one. It's just more of the same "shampoo, rinse, repeat" or for those of you who don't follow my skewed brain functions: "say something, repeat, say it again, repeat, no, I did tell you, yes you have heard this before, now why would I lie to you?, repeat, bang your head against the wall, and hope that someone loves you-or at least is getting paid-when you do the same thing in the very soon future...."
I went traveling this past weekend. Alone this time. Although, leaving him at home involves preparation also. I had to get away; there are lives at stake!
Off to celebrate life and aging in Seattle. But isn't it funny, or in this case ironic, that I go to see and connect with many friends from the past, and on the first night I loose my voice! For those of you who know me, well, I am assuming that is everyone, or why are you reading-unless its that person whom I am sending checks to... you know that I love to talk. I love to tell stories, make non-sequitur jokes (see above), pithy comments, snide remarks. Apparently not this weekend. Still, I had a great time using my newly found listening skills.
That's it. Gotta run.
Oh, vote. No let me be more specific, Vote Obama.

Sunny October Day at Foxglove Guest House, Seattle, Wa

Assisted Living-Traveling.

I think it's time to seriously consider my sanity. I say this,dear reader (you should feel special since you are the only one...), cuz if you are my friend you will say something.
I made a decision to spend the New Year holiday with my father's sister's family in, wait for it, Dallas. Now, I must say that my previous visits have all been great. I really enjoy my family and all the people I encountered were always super polite and friendly, so I have nothing but good experiences in the Lone Star state. Still, I am a liberal Californian and admit to a certain amount of prejudice. It doesn't help that I am listening to a report about voter roll purging in the state.
But what does that have to do with the thrust of this blog? Well. Nothing. I like to rant.
What I am writing about: everything that could go wrong when traveling, has. No really. Delayed flight. Rental car smells. My cold hit with a vengeance. The hotel power went out. We moved hotels. It's raining. Oh did I mention that the old guy is seemingly more deaf and loosing his memory for things said 2 minutes before?
Still tonight we Jews will celebrate 5773 years of disorganized existence. Some will go to Shul, some will have large family dinners like the one we will be at tonight. And I am happy to have that connection to a blood line.
So despite the week's trials and tribulations, I shout a L'Shana Tova to all. Since a New Year means a new start and who doesn't love a new beginning?

Photo Collage, Assisted Living.

My friend M. says that Blogs need lots of photos. I think its because she thinks people won't read anymore and need the quick visual. She's probably right. Still, I do love me a juicy, well expressed sentence. Not that I am the purveyor of said writing, of course.
Anyway, back to the photos. Below you will see what things I attempt to do to keep The Old Guy healthy, clean and safe. Naturally, all this depends on one thing and one thing only: Him actually reading the notes. One can hope.

Public Service Announcement: How to Subscribe!

I found the "SUBSCRIBE TO" my blog button at the very bottom of the page on the left side, directly under the last post. I am sure you don't have much time,so this might be a way for you to find out when my latest literary missive has been posted. Thanks for reading!

TDT, aka Assisted Living Part 9.

My WWII air raid ring-tone goes off. Its the Old Guy. "Say do you have my wallet?". "How would I have your wallet?" (I am 10 miles and 2 galaxies away). "I guess I must have lost it in the City Ride bus." "Ok" says I. "I'll call them", says he.
So I call them, game the system and get to a human being in less than 40 minutes. Yes, the supervisor (hold for the supervisor) says, we have his wallet. I can bring it to you on Monday. Great!
Now this was before we were going up to San Francisco (see below posts), so I thought I would try to fool the Old Guy but putting together a "fake replacement wallet". But no, each day we are gone he asks me where his wallet is. Finally, I can't take it any longer (see below post). As today is Tuesday and obviously the wallet was not delivered yesterday, I approach a City Ride driver after I drop Old Guy off at the Adult Day Care Center where he goes on Tuesday and Thursday (see future post). The driver takes pity on the crazy lady and actually calls the dispatch. They do indeed have the wallet. The driver says, in his humble opinion he would suggest I just drive out to Pacoima to pick it up, that it might be 2 weeks before they actually bring it to me. And that is just what I did.(Random thought: what a horrible place to work and why wouldn't someone want to get out of there, if only to deliver a wallet someplace nice?)
My next challenge: how to talk the Old Guy into a wallet chain.

TDT aka Assisted Living Part 7

Preparing for a trip away is always daunting, but in addition to figuring out how many black tee shirts I should bring (2 per day, if it is a hot clime) I must figure out how many tight-y white-y's to bring for the old guy. Yes, it is a lot like having a kid. Now the kid will get more capable, have a mind of their own, and come to resent you. An aging parent, will get less capable, loose their mind and if you are lucky, thank you every day. And most of you will find this charming; me? Well, lets just say its been a long 8 years...
So we hit the road, an hour late. The ride is long and hot; my left arm begins to hurt,as well as my back, and I am wondering why I didn't just rent a lot of movies with San Francisco in them?
But despite traffic (and you NOCAL folks think LA is bad, au contraire) across the bridge, we had a delightful dinner with my cousins (the liberal white sheep of that side) and fairly easy drive back (did I say that every event possible was happening in SF that night?). The next day, in true fashion, the old guy had no idea why were were here, but in spite of my impluse to do something untoward, I pushed on. We hit the beach (foggy and cold) the mission (warm and uber hip), the Zen Center-no I am not meditating, it was once my mother's home and where my parents met. No, it was A Jewish Women's Residence designed by the famous Julia Morgan. I remember Passover Seders there... And a cray-cray trip to the Ferry Building, with every other tourist. Did have a kick ass snack at the Slanted Door take out window! And a surprise visit to the Railway Museum (all the trolleys), which I dearly love.
Upon return to the Berkeley Marina, we took a plunge and short swim, showered, rested and met Hannah and Felicia at the delicious Pizzaolo in Oakland. Lovely Lena was hostess and so we got rock star treatment. One word: panacotta!
The next day we walked on the Marina, did a quick drive by of the campus, ate Bagels and Lox at a Cambodian owned bagel store and hit the road.
My left arm still hurts, and I slept like a log, but all in all, I am glad I didn't just rent the movies.

Eavesdropping. 18 year old girls in SF

So I am taking the old man on the last grand tour. SF the home of his young adulthood. We are having a tourist breakfast at the historical Louis' overlooking Sutro baths. And next to me, ate two girls discussing the upcoming year, college choices, and who among their male friends is gay and who is not, and if they should date only Asian. And I predict the one going to Mills will have a lesbian affair and the one going to USC will marry before she gets her degree.

Shameless Self-Promotion

Some fun!
youtube video: Gigi Goes to a book Club. You have to find it your self cuz I am not able to get the link to work on this right now!

from the New York Post!

That Gigi Levangie Grazer will celebrate the release of her fifth novel, “The After Wife,” at an intimate party hosted by Christopher Burch in Southampton next Friday, where guests expected include Chris Cuomo and Cristina Greeven Cuomo, Rita Schrager, Fern Mallis, Alina Cho, Serena Altschul and Nacho Figueras.

(I used to work for Fern Mallis! I am sure she will not recognize me...)

TDT-Assisted Living- part 6

TV is our common space. I try to watch a show with him every night I am home. I know it sounds weird, cuz watching a program with another human being is really a partial interaction. But it is the best I can do most nights. Sometimes all I can do is walk through the room and ask him what Vanna is wearing or who is wining the game?
Definition of: Awkward. There was this time, several years ago, I was watching an early feed of The L Word with Dad. At about 1/2 way in, I realized that I was incredibly uncomfortable; that watching a show, that had previously given me pleasure, with my father was not ok. So the next week, when it came on, I said, "Dad please go in your room and watch 60 Minutes". He asked "why" and I said "because I want to watch The L Word". He said, "I like that show". I said "I understand but I am not comfortable!".
I imagine that's what all relationships come down to after time is a form of peaceful co-existance. When all things are considered (yes, I do love NPR) I think that might just be ok.

TDT or Assisted Living- part 5

My new subtitle for my series will also be the name of my TV show. So networks, get ready! The Lab Visit. For some reason the Doc (the last one in a line of fired ones-more on that someday) thinks The Dad should have some blood work. So I proceed to the Lab. One would think that would be it-a little waiting, a little poking, a little leaving. But, NOOOOO. The Lab assigns take home duty (ah, yeah, that is a double entendre). Now, he has to engage in a difficult set of steps (3) of which I will not be a party to (yes it is ok now to end a sentence with a preposition...) It did not happen according to the plan. I am ok with that. What could it detect anyway? He has made it to the amazing age of 90,eye sight,walking with the help of a mere cane, ok he can't hear and his mind is going, but basically ok. I really don't think I have to push on this. Yeah, I know, more double entendres... and this is what my life has become.

The Daughter Track (TDT) part 4

Am I repeating myself, repeating myself? Sadly I have no patience. I was given the "does not suffer fools" stamp at birth and all my life I have had to fight it. Mostly, unsuccessfully. I am generally: snarky, sarcastic, deeming, rude. I know it and for that I have had to learn to apologize. Wouldnt it just be easier to stop this behavior? Ya think? See. Even in my imaginary conversation I can't help myself. I am a bitter ol'queen (this is not an offensive statement, because in my mind, BOQ's are quick and witty. Sure there is an edge of meanness. If you had been attacked all your life you would too. This is the gay version of The Dozen's. Look that up if you have no idea what I just said.0 Back to the original thought (and that's another thing about me. I get distracted easily-in conversation, that is). I have a particularly low threshold for my father's repeating things. I generally go from about a 2 to a 10 in nothin' flat. And I know this is wrong. He has no short term memory. I will repeat myself, for my benefit. He has no short term memory. And yet I want him to use what's left of his brain to try to rationally figure out things. Why do I do that? Most people are incapable of rationally figuring out things (see political situation in the US circa, well the whole life of the country really, but especially since Reagan...). So why would I think this sweet 90 year old man, who was never a Rhodes scholar could do that now? Personality flaw they call it is AA. Indeed.

THE DAUGHTER TRACK part 3

So back to the beginning. There I was a free-wheeling lesbian, living her unconventional life, darting around the world (ok NYC and London, some parts in between) working, loving, creating havoc and doing a little good. Now I was a stay at home mom. And I didn't even get the joy of a new love! I did get a new home and some furnishings that weren't culled from the resale shop. I set up my new home for Dad and I in what I like to call the Resort. This apartment complex, expensive but had all the enticements one could want. I loved it. We settled into a new life. I found Dad a few Tai Chi classes (Seniors Waving Arms), a Senior center and joined the LGBT Temple.

JUST a moment out of the story: Why do crazy people feel the need to SHOUT their inner conversation, as they walk down the street? Wouldn't it do just to speak in at a normal level, since they are talking to themselves? And were back: Joining the Temple was a stroke of genius on my part. I did it because I found out they were going on a trip to Israel and Dad had never been. I thought at the time, tempus fugit, so we went with 25 people we did not know, but upon return 25 new friends. It was a great trip, and I was very supported. From that trip I found my sister-wives, who have been so very helpful with my TDT. Everyone is so gracious with their compliments, but there are very few who actually come through with the actual help, and these two amazing munchkins have done that for me, for many years now. Part 4: didn't you say you were a lesbian?

THE DAUGHTER TRACK part 2

My original plan was to talk about the past, but today I am having a quintessentially TDT (The Daughter Track) experience. We are waiting to be assessed for ACCESS- the service that picks people up who cannot take public transportation on their own. It is in the obscure Arts District (you knew we had one downtown L.A. right?)-off the 4th street bridge. Enter the non-descript warehouse and a line of elderly, physically challenged individuals with their caretakers awaits you. Hulls of busses,dotted yellow lines, green arrows,amid a maze of that would confuse the best minds, let alone confused or those suffering from dementia. So Dad is finally called at 12:15-we arrive at 11am. Not too bad. Told to follow green arrows to bus # 2. He gets on that bus, for about a minute then name is called with 5 others and he is made to walk into another rm staffed by what looks like ex-cons-not that I have anything against that... made to sit down, sign again then told to go back to bus #2. ( why don't they have a lap top and take it to each person?) 10 minutes later he is called again for evaluation-what health conditions do you have? Dad: looks at me and guesses. After a few more invasive questions, he has his pluse taken again. You will hear in 21 days, if not call this number...one more thing-have your photo taken (again). Then, as if pigs were actually flying in edges of East LA, we were done. 1:00pm. Dad: Why did we do that? and you wonder why my new hobby is drinking...

THE DAUGHTER TRACK-part 1

I have recently realized that all my life I have fit into various current categories: Baby Boomer, anti-war protestor,Radical lesbian feminist, Sex-positive dyke, live-r of life on life's terms, "artist", and now I am in the words of the New York Times(the paper of record) www.nytimes.com/2005/11/24/world/.../24iht-daughter.html?...all the DAUGHTER TRACK. For the last 8 (or 9?) years, I have been living with my now 90 year old father. I remember as if it were yesterday: it was the last night of OUTFEST Film Festival. I was in the Orpheum Theater, and for some reason I felt my phone ring. I peaked at it and saw a strange number, Later that night I listened the message that would redirect my life. "Debbie. this is Dad. Ann (2nd wife) died and I wondered if you could come help me." The rest,is, well my life. I went to Fresno (yes, I have some ideas on how to make that place an actual destination, but that's for another time), did what I had to do: assess the situation and figure out that it would be mutually beneficial for us to combine resources, in LA of course. Many people say very nice things about what I am doing. It is refreshing

to be on the receiving end of praise. But really I did not feel like there was another choice (and of course as I say that I realize there is ALWAYS a choice). It just seemed like the right thing to do. So that was the beginning. And so much more.

So this is where I have been spending my entertainment/free time, Starting last Thursday with the great HBO doc VITO. Many youngins and some of us not so young, did not really know the breath and scope of Vito's activities. He was there at the beginning of Post Stonewall gay politics,the GAA (Gay Alliance)and the middle,Act-Up. He loved and wrote about Gay film or gay images in film. He loved men and did not hate women! Then we go to the rest of the films. Great shorts, thoughtful docs,raunchy comedies and sexy foreign films! Did I mention the parties? I am exhausted and its only Wednesday... Hope to see you there! (my one reader). What I have seen so far: Vito, dir Jeffery Schwarz #Wefoundlove- shorts program Petunia, dir Ash Christian TV comedy's come a long way, baby-Panel That's What She Said, dir Carrie Preston (fave thus far) 30th Anniversary Shorts Born Naked, dir Andrea Esteban Young and Wild, dir Marialy Rivas

Health care. Who needs it? I DO!

Woke up to Stephanie Miller getting the Supreme Court ruling on Affordable Health Care. First they got the wrong decision. I felt my heart drop. I am a Obama care recipient. THEN. The real news came out. It was upheld.
Now I can continue to buy my healthcare for a mere $500 a month! No friends, it ISN'T free. All it did was force a insurance co to sell me.
Really people, this program is for people. Real flesh people. But I know those against universal health care will never be without a job or some disease, so why should they care. It's not their problem. Well I don't have children but I pay for schools. And why? Cuz I am part of a society.
Thank you Justice Roberts. Now I know you are taking the business of judicial review seriously not politically.
A good day in court for the America.

Life is smacking me in the face. And by life I mean illness and death. No not mine, but all around. "they" say its how you deal with the hard stuff that tells the world about who you are as a person. So I am dealing with it all in the best way I know-drugs. NO silly. Just a little chocolate... and starring it in the face. Being present. Crying. Making a slide show for the Memorial of the dear boy child I never had. Laughing. Listening to music. Trying to not be resentful about who lives and who dies. Cause its chaos theory with a little will from us humans thrown in. Anyway, if you are interested in reading a beautiful but the squeamish be warned/x-rated view of my Baby Brian Also, a friend had a pulmonary something-she coded 4 times. Was in the ICU. But she was not ready to give up. Or something. (How do we really know what or why) She is alive, I am happy as is her wife of so many years and all her great friends in Seattle and the world. Julia has a recovery ahead of her but she is going to meet that challenge head on. So Life and Death. Big issues. and still when it comes down to the moment to moment, we forget. We make lunch, exercise, take a shower, go to work, gossip, see a movie, have sex (if you are lucky), sleep (if you are lucky). Today I take a moment between those other moments to find the gratitude to be around to hear, see and feel all of it. Then, its time to pick a song for the slide show.