Hi My Name is Debra and I am a TV addict.

Just read a post where some brave woman admits to being a TV addict. So I thought I would come clean too.
TV has saved my life these past few years. Without the ongoing antics of, well, there are too many to name, since I am running out to the Paley Fest in Bev Hills, to hear the cast of NASHVILLE, talk.. but without those characters, I do not think I would have made it thus far. I admit to enjoying the acting, the stories, the productions, heck even a commercial or two. I know, heresy for a left leaning lesbian feminist. But they say the first step is admitting, and I am do that now. Plus, since my group meeting is during that early 6-7 hour I am not in fear of missing any of my shows. (Thank you TV G-ds for HULU, On-Demand and DVR). Ok now you can judge me.

And the Award never goes to: a comedy! Or my unglamorous life....

I really shouldn't complain. I had a fairly alternative glamour night yesterday (beware: name dropping to follow). I went to a huge art opening of the beloved and famous dyke photographer, Catherine Opie, where John Waters roamed looking at photos of Diana Nyad, the designing Mulleavy sisters, and my friends Julie Tolentino and Pig Pen. Among other well know faces were directors Kimberly Pierce and Jamie Babbitt; friend and producer Steak House, Valerie Stadler;my production designer boy wonder, Michael Fitzgerald, and my sidekick in troublemaking, the writer Michelle Meyers (Immaculate Complexion). It was crowded with interesting looking people who most likely did interesting type things. Then off to a small party in honor of an old friend, Holly Hughes, in town to perform and teach at USC. The performance artist/actor John Fleck as well as the lesbian folksinger (who opened for the Smiths in the early 80's)Phranc, were among the guests. So no, it wasn't the Independent Spirit award, and never would be the Oscars (that would mean a time machine, plastic surgery and talent), but it was something! And so it should come as no surprise that I blew my wad last night and today I am sitting at my computer, in a torn sweatshirt (formal gown at the cleaners), filling in my home ballot, before moving into the living room to watch the Oscar telecast with the Ol' guy. May the team with the most money for publicity war, win!

LESBIAN FAMILY VALUES

I am sick of people thinking that family values mean a primary typical family unit. I am here to tell you that it IS different for Lesbians (Dykes, Wimmen loving Wimmen, female homosexuals...). Many of us have chosen not to raise children. There are as many reasons as there are stars in the sky...but suffice it to say, we made a choice. The option of having a daughter (son...maybe) take care of you in your old age, say as I am doing for my father, is, well, none. What do we do when the proverbial cancer, MS, joint replacement, homelessness, hits the fan? We reach out to our, what is referred to as, the extended family of ex-lovers. This is very different from the hetero norm, or in my experience the gay men’s world.
I have so many examples of this, including my own, and one that is happening right now.
In my case, I needed a new shoulder (years of lesbian sex had taken its toll and I am proud to announce that...). I needed someone to take care of not only me, but my father, for whom I am responsible . Who did I call? Yes after Ghost Busters, my ex-gal pay from the 1980’s, (let’s call her Lynn). Now, Lynn had just been a year out of Chemo herself, and I had sent her some helping funds when she was recovering, since I could not get away (see above responsibility), but she volunteered to come out and take care of Dad and I. Did you see the date? 1980’s. That’s a long time to remain friends, ne, family.
Currently, an acquaintance,really,is going through a gnarly operation. She is staying with her ex and her ex’s current partner. Legions of friends visit her, and I imagine some are even her ex-lovers. Do you ever see that in the hetero world? Nope.

So in conclusion, I‘d like to say:suck on it right wing, cuz Lesbian have True Family Values.

I Suck.

I was reading Chuck Lorre (Yes, I am clearly obsessed by this man-which in itself is weird for a past her if ever prime and a les-bo-heim to boot)and he wrote an article entitled:
HOW TO CREATE A HIT SITCOM
A simple, step-by-step guide to prime time success.
It is, as you might imagine if you watch his shows, is funny.
But mostly what it made me realize is that I am a spectacular failure. I have one person following my blog, and I am pretty sure it is someone I am paying. I do not make any money as a writer, mostly cuz I refuse to call myself such or even show anyone my writing. I think having a highly commented on rant on fb is writing. Clearly, I am a v-e-r-y slow learner. I like to write. I like to write about what I think about things. There is not a lot of money in that- no wait, I think there is; I just dont know how to, as we like to say now, monetize it. I am not very motivated to succeed. What's up with that?
As it says in my copy of The Underachiever's Manifesto (yes it does exist and I wish I had written it, but I was too underachieving to do so)
GOOD ENOUGH IS GOOD ENOUGH. Actually it doesn't say that but that is the essence of the 10 points.
I would reprint the ten, but I will leave it to the next post. See if anyone reads this, of if it is, as I suspect, a very cheap form of self-therapy.
Enjoy this day after the second Inauguration of the first Black President (see it was not a mistake!)

New Year's Day 2013

Interesting to watch people celebrate their New Year's Eve in this time of the social media blitz. In the olden days, you would just wait for a phone call or to run into someone to ask them what they did. In this moment in time I can know what you are doing in this moment of time. So, I have a list of pictures of happy, well dressed "friends" enjoying their evening. This does not make me feel any better about myself. I spent my night in raggedy clothes (yes, J. Crew makes awesome lounging gear-but how to justify spending bucks on something I will just stain and nobody will see?) watching fabulous people doing fabulous things. Kissing their true love (or love of the moment) at midnight. Me, not even so much. I blazed through the hour watching Holly Hunter in mid-80's confusion about having it all, and by all I mean integrity, a career and a man.
I have it all. And by all I mean, none of the above. I have life and for that I am grateful. I think. Yes, Yes, I am cuz most humans fight to stay alive and I am not that different from most humans. A grinchful Happy New Year to both of my dear readers.

Assisted Living (Help me Chuck Lorre!)

I saw the note by blogger telling me to list people in my post, so I thought who better than the Jeffe of TV comedy, Chuck Lorre. I do not know him, or imagine that I ever will. We are in parallel worlds. He is famous, I am not. He makes people laugh: I make people cry. He lives in LA; I live in LA (and by that I mean, the LA he lives in is on 90210, the LA I live in is on COPS). But we do share a heritage, and a love of numbers (see his Vanity Card archives---see my unread blog posts 1-56). Plus if I tag him in my post then maybe someone will read them.
Of late I have not felt much humor in my situation. For those of you who can not be bothered reading "TDT/Assisted Living" from the beginning, I will surmise: Long time, past her prime,dyke inherits aging (82 at time, now 90)father (hereto referred to as: The Old Guy) and hilarity ensues.
Like I said, I have not been feeling the hilarity. Its a lot of work caring for others. And I don't mean in the "write a check to the charity" kind of care. Perhaps it is the reason I never had children or men have wives; it is HARD. Still, its best to find some humor in some corner or instead of hilarity, insanity will ensue. So now I laugh at myself. How crazy am I who thinks I can get him to remember something just seen 10 minutes ago? That is bend over chuckle worthy! I am just nuttier than those kids on Happy Endings or New Girl. And they are kooky, weird funny! Yup, 61, tattooed and still wearing high tops. Crazy!
Happy 2nd of 3 New Year's (not the one that you eat apples and honey and then fast, not the one that you eat whole fish and blow things up, but the one that you get falling down drunk and watch some 7000 pound "ball" fall off a building).

Assisted Living-So you wanna help...

UPDATE Transportation problems solved!
The several agencies that help individuals with transportation each have their own set of rules. Each agency contracts with separate private companies to accomplish this mandate. And so if one agency only takes people in a designated zone, they can't pick up in another zone. In order to facilitate the Ol' Guy to the 2x a week Adult Day Care (the wonderful One Generation-send donations or volunteer there), we have to use two agencies. After a surprisingly short wait time, I have a standing order for both directions. What I love about this arrangement is that I don't have to drive and I don't have to ask for favors from others! I was very lucky and had a good friend helping out, but really one can ask so much from non-relatives.
Take away:

If you are a friend of a caregiver and want to help, offer to help decipher the bureaucracy of the various agencies. That is the real work that will last long after you grow weary of driving